Author: Timothy Foster
rating: 0+x
I have a decision to make. It is all up to me. Whatever I choose, I lose something. Whatever I choose, I gain something else. The problem becomes finding the balance between what is best and what is right. What can I do? Shouldn't my decision be black and white, plain and obvious? Why am I hesitating?

To select one thing seems almost wrong in nature. Is it right to select one thing over the other? Perhaps I shouldn't neglect one decision as one would neglect a person. Especially when they are equally appealing, or maybe they are not. I need to choose: should I leave or should I stay?

Do I consider all the effects of a decision like this? Well of course, I consider all the negative things. How pessimistic of me, and typical too. It only seems natural to consider all the bad things that could happen. If I leave, I'll be lost forever, I'll cause grief to many loved ones, and I'll have become the common wisp of life. If I stay, I'll only cause increasingly severe ruin eventually leading to, well, death. It seems either way, I cause grief. Am I that terrible? Am I only a vessel for destruction?

Wait, why do I criticize my existence? This is why I want to leave and disappear from all humanity. But even if I leave, I accomplish nothing. Nothing is a terrible word. My efforts in vain.

Why is this so hard? I should just leave now; I should just run away. I won't have to suffer any more grief. Once the decision is made, it is done. I won't have to worry any more. Right? I only hope. Still, I am thinking pessimistically.

What benefits are there? If I stay, then I won't have to feel sadness. No, I still will knowing that I am causing needless strife for those who care for me. If I leave, then I… I don't know. I'll be honest: I do not know.

I cannot decide. But should I give my life to chance? Is that fair? Should I give up my right to making decisions to something that always makes you regret? I must decide, it is an obligation to my existence. I am not allowed to give up because I am living. Decisions.

Perhaps I should leave and become the hero of my family. I must have the courage to do what is best. Perhaps this is also right. I don't deserve protection. Staying will just make our poverty worse. I cannot bear that weight on my shoulders. I just can't. I'm not strong enough.

Then that is it. Farewell, my father, mother, sister, brother. Live well. Thank you for a wonderful life and for taking care of me. I hope this decision returns that to you.

Designer: Timothy Foster Editor: Timothy Foster Publisher: Timothy Foster
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